Preparing to become a
Pakistani groom is a lot like watching Shahid Afridi bat. The thrill and the excitement
that come naturally with the process are unparalleled. But the adrenalin rush also
keeps you on the edge of your seat; you genuinely have no idea what’s going to
happen next.
Weddings are a big deal
around the world. In Pakistan, they’re an even bigger deal and a bit of a
roller coaster ride, especially for the bride & groom. Incidentally, while Pakistani brides may be groomed
(no pun intended) for this roller coaster ride all their life, the groom is
kind of expected to figure things out on his own and fast.
You can find dozens of
magazines on Pakistani brides (& the mini-industry that surrounds them) but
there is almost no literature on the making of a Pakistani groom. This blog
piece is an attempt to change that by capturing some of the funny but revealing
moments that go into the making of a modern day Pakistani groom.
Zindagi
na milegi dobara
“I’m not ready to get married,” squealed a
friend of mine, days before he was expected to tie the knot with the girl of
his dreams. When a muscular young man, over six feet tall, curls up in your bed
and pleads that he’s still a child (and not ready to get married), you really
don’t know where to draw the line between your pep talk and your sense of
humor.
Six weeks away from my own D
Day, I realize now that it’s not so much the fear of getting married as the
perceived enormity of responsibility that looms large. I call it the ‘how can I
be responsible for another human being when I can barely keep my room clean’
syndrome.
Like all good Pakistani
traditions, weddings naturally revolve around perceived expectations and
according to my recently married male friends; it’s usually the grooms who are
most clueless about what is expected of them.
One of these friends decided
to give me the proverbial pre-marriage ‘talk’ a few days back. The talk wasn’t
exactly what I expected.
The talk turned out to be a mini-lecture
on how marriage is a big responsibility. Knowing the particulars of my situation
(my parents live overseas; me & my wife will live independently post
marriage), he shared that I have to take full responsibility for managing the
house, make my wife feel at home away from her family and keep my own family
onboard throughout the process.
When you’re about to get
married in Pakistan, you have to accept that everyone and their mother in law
has some piece of advice for you (to be fair, most of this is well intentioned
advice, even if it can be repetitive). Almost everyone tells you that the
pre-wedding time period and preparations can become stressful. Some people
recommend that the bride & groom should stop talking a few weeks before the
wedding day to prevent potential arguments on the arrangements of the wedding
itself!
In light of all this advice, there
are times when I’m surprised and grateful that I & my fiancé haven’t had
any major arguments, yet, in the run up to our wedding. This is especially
peculiar given the fact that we’re setting up a new place from scratch. Looking
ahead, I anticipate a very busy 6 weeks but I don’t see any source of real
stress on either of us. In a strange way, this lack of stress is now the only
source of anxiety for me: is this the pre-wedding calm before the post-wedding
storm?
Even
Einstein couldn’t figure this one out…
In life, when you can’t find
answers to the questions on your mind, you turn to those smarter than you. When
it comes to marriage though, even the smartest of men have done pretty dumb
things.
“Was Einstein the world’s
worst husband?,” screamed the headline of an article teasingly posted by my
friend on his fiancé’s Facebook wall. Einstein may have been the world’s smartest
man but when it came to women, he wasn’t the smoothest of characters.
Apparently, Einstein created
an eccentric list of ‘rules’ for his wife to follow, which include the
following (I promise I’m not making these up):
- “You will stop talking to me if I request it
- I will receive my three meals regularly in my room
- That my bedroom and study are kept neat, and especially that my desk is left for my use only
- You will leave my bedroom or study immediately without protest if I request it.
- You will not expect any intimacy from me, nor will you reproach me in any way”
It’s very comforting to
know that I’ll make a better husband than Einstein, without even trying too
hard. And that’s exactly how I view marriage right now; there are no written
rules on what works and what doesn’t. You do your best, enjoy the journey and
take every day as a new adventure.
